You know that saying “be the bigger person”?
I never quite understood what it meant…I mean I’d prefer to look at it as being the better person.
Recently, I made the conscious decision to make some changes in my life. You see I am one of those people who treats friends like family. I do everything for my friends…sometimes even at the expense of myself. I love being that type of person; it truly makes me happy. Example: next March instead of going to a professional conference in which I can find a potential job, I will be celebrating the union of two of my favorite people in marriage. Being Kiersten’s Maid of Honor is something I am so excited and happy to do. Kiersten is like my sister and could never miss being apart of her happy day for anything.
On the reverse, unfortunately, I’ve been friends with people who don’t view the relationship to the same respect that I do. I’ve had friends who walk all over me. Friends who constantly talk to me disrespectfully. Who create problems, drama, and mess and don’t care what the consequence is to others. Friends who have no interest in what’s going on in my life. Friends who tell me everything about their day and don’t ask me anything about mine. Friends who don’t put any work into the friendship.
Friends who, once I look back now, weren’t truly much of a “friend” to begin with.
So I have been thinking…for awhile now…about why I choose to be friends with these people? I mean obviously they aren’t going to do anything to change. They are who they are. But if I want more for myself… if I feel I deserve more- why the hell am I not doing anything about it???
There’s been a lot of squabbles within my program among people (which is going to happen in any group). And luckily, for the first time in my adult life, I’ve been what I like to call “Switzerland”; I have no idea what’s going on and vow to remain to neutral. But my personal revelation is reflective in this squabble too. If everyone vowed to be the “better person” think of how much more peaceful you’d be.
Let me delve deeper…
When I decided to be a “better person” (something you can only decide to do for yourself) it took some time to process. At first I felt anger. There is so much that sits on the chest of a doormat. Words unspoken fester over time. Cutting toxic relationships doesn’t mean there aren’t remnants left behind. Then I thought- what is a handful of people less in your life? Doesn’t that mean more time for the people who truly matter?
But in my decision I realized I had to let go. And letting go, while difficult to do, has brought a wave of peace. I let go of all the unspoken words and the anger..I had to… if I continued to hold on to it it would mean the sacrifice of my own sense of power in my life. To have negative feelings towards others only brings negativity within.
The peacefulness was amazing. The sere sense of being okay with oneself. Okay with the decisions made, okay with the consequences (positive or negative) thereafter. Just simply the feeling that it was all okay.
I feel bad for those…myself included…who don’t focus on what one can do for themselves. If there is conflict or problems in your life you have to try, with everything in you, to find the place where you are resolved. You have to focus on the control you have, give your all, and be at peace with whatever happens. To me that’s being the better person.
WOW- I sound like a yoga instructor….hahaha