Then give by giving back!

I am the advisor for Up til Dawn at Carnegie Mellon University. Up ’til Dawn raises awareness and money for St Jude Children’s Research Hospital. It cost 1.3 MILLON dollars to operate the hospital each DAY. Yes, each day. And families are not asked to pay! But without donations from people like you, the hospital can’t help everyone who needs it. I’ve asked my family to forego giving me Christmas gifts and donate to the hospital instead. I’m giving everyone a donation. I don’t need more stuff, I need to know that if I have kids they can grow up happy and healthy.

If you’d like to give a gift, it’s really easy…
Go to:
http://shop. stjude. org/GiftCatalog/shop. do?cID=11243&pID=13252

Select CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY is the school name section
Then put in NICKI CROLY under student name
And make your donation!

That’s it! You can even run up to Target and get cards and/or candy designed with artwork from the children at St Jude. The money here also goes to the kids and is a nice way to tell the person who your donation went for.

I’ve been to the hospital and the work done there is amazing.
Because of St Jude, Acute Lymphoblastic Lukemia’s survival rate went from 4% in 1962 to 94% today!!!!

If you can help, great! If not, spread the word.
From all the patients and their families…THANK YOU!
♥! Nicki

i wrote on the school newspaper with jamie. we weren’t friends outside of that but i got to see that she was a really cool person.

being away from home i just learned that jamie, who is 25, had been struggling with cancer and lost her battle tuesday. our newspaper advisor, holly, wrote about jamie in her blog here: http://norcalcazadora.blogspot.com/2008/10/jamie-gonzales.html

and a scholarship is in the works. check out holly’s blog above for details and please donate if you can.

my thoughts are with jamie’s family and friends.

hate the distance
hate that we’re busy
hate that theres never enough time
hate that i cant be there for the stupid moments and the big ones
hate that life is moving and we cant pause time

dont think i dont care
dont think i dont wish i was there
dont think i dont count the days til i come back

dont leave me
dont not need me
dont move on without me
dont forget you are on my mind everyday and that nothing here has ever compared to you

i love love love my new job and the environment around me.
i have already had some great times here and i suspect this to be an awesome summer.

it’s amazing what a change of zip code does for a person.

but sometimes it’s hard to find the strength within.

everyone…well people like myself anyway,
have those quiet moments where they break down.
do not let these moments fool you.

because i guarantee this-
i will prove you wrong.
i will be better without you.
i may have been weak in letting you pull me down, lose my spirit.
negativity breeds the like.
how you were able to show me what i had become because of you.
that ironic turn of fate has been my blessing.
so i promise you this
 the one promise i know i will make true
i will prove you wrong.

i will be better.
i will lead a loving, beautiful, happier and fuller life.

and this is why: your focus is misdirected.
see, you focus on bringing others down.
whereas, i focus on betterment.
i focus on prevailing your efforts and helping those who are dragged down by people just like you.

so enjoy each others company.
because yours will not be missed.

and it need not matter if you know what a life i have.
because i will know.
i will know i made good on my promise.

Recently, I made the conscious decision to make some changes in my life. You see I am one of those people who treats friends like family. I do everything for my friends…sometimes even at the expense of myself. I love being that type of person; it truly makes me happy. Example: next March instead of going to a professional conference in which I can find a potential job, I will be celebrating the union of two of my favorite people in marriage. Being Kiersten’s Maid of Honor is something I am so excited and happy to do. Kiersten is like my sister and could never miss being apart of her happy day for anything.

On the reverse, unfortunately, I’ve been friends with people who don’t view the relationship to the same respect that I do. I’ve had friends who walk all over me. Friends who constantly talk to me disrespectfully. Who create problems, drama, and mess and don’t care what the consequence is to others. Friends who have no interest in what’s going on in my life. Friends who tell me everything about their day and don’t ask me anything about mine. Friends who don’t put any work into the friendship.

Friends who, once I look back now, weren’t truly much of a “friend” to begin with.

So I have been thinking…for awhile now…about why I choose to be friends with these people? I mean obviously they aren’t going to do anything to change. They are who they are. But if I want more for myself… if I feel I deserve more- why the hell am I not doing anything about it???

There’s been a lot of squabbles within my program among people (which is going to happen in any group). And luckily, for the first time in my adult life, I’ve been what I like to call “Switzerland”; I have no idea what’s going on and vow to remain to neutral. But my personal revelation is reflective in this squabble too. If everyone vowed to be the “better person” think of how much more peaceful you’d be.

Let me delve deeper…

When I decided to be a “better person” (something you can only decide to do for yourself) it took some time to process. At first I felt anger. There is so much that sits on the chest of a doormat. Words unspoken fester over time. Cutting toxic relationships doesn’t mean there aren’t remnants left behind. Then I thought- what is a handful of people less in your life? Doesn’t that mean more time for the people who truly matter? 

But in my decision I realized I had to let go. And letting go, while difficult to do, has brought a wave of peace. I let go of all the unspoken words and the anger..I had to… if I continued to hold on to it it would mean the sacrifice of my own sense of power in my life. To have negative feelings towards others only brings negativity within.

The peacefulness was amazing. The sere sense of being okay with oneself. Okay with the decisions made, okay with the consequences (positive or negative) thereafter. Just simply the feeling that it was all okay.

I feel bad for those…myself included…who don’t focus on what one can do for themselves. If there is conflict or problems in your life you have to try, with everything in you, to find the place where you are resolved. You have to focus on the control you have, give your all, and be at peace with whatever happens. To me that’s being the better person.

WOW- I sound like a yoga instructor….hahaha

There are 2 things that make it hard for me to leave…yep just 2.
First off, the students I work with. I absolutely adore the 30ish students I have gotta to work with here. I love hearing about their lives, relationships, etc. Giving them advice on what to do in the future or how to handle current problems. There are some amazing students here and it’s gonna suck to not be here to hang out, develop through some of Chickering’s vectors, and even watch a few of them graduate. But I’ve learned a lot from them and they’ll always be my first real “kids”.

Then there’s Kelly. Essentially, my PA BFF. I’m leaving her in this small town. And it sucks for us both! It’s going to be super weird not having every single class with her and driving 3 hours round trip once a week, blaring Bon Jovi or the array of various 80s and pop songs, singing at the top of our lungs, all while trying to pass coal trucks and avoid driving over the road kill on the windy “highway”. At least we have one class together next semester. And I know she’s gonna be coming down to Pittsburgh often to get away.

So I’ll hold my goodbye and opt for see ya later.

…though to the rest of Clarion- PEACE OUT! hahahaha

So I arrive at Tippin Gym at about 9:45am (nice part about being a runner is a later start time, no 6:30am for me) and Mary Caitlin, Campusfest Chair, gives me the keys to my new ride, a sweet Dodge van, and all the essentials I need for my task (just a radio and a gas card…like how I made that sound more important than it really was?) So now that I’m fully equipped my job is to just wait around until The Bravery need anything….which didn’t take long. So we get a call on the radio that they need a runner cuz someone needs to go to the hospital, nothing serious apparently. The second runner, Megan, is already gone at Walmart (for the 1st of 20 billion trips she had to take there) and so that leaves me. I say well I’m The Bravery’s runner so if it’s fine with Mary Caitlin that I leave I can take the person. “The person is one of The Bravery” Oh well that solves that. So I go downstairs to find Mary Caitlin and Keith, the band’s manager, and who I later found out was the lead singer, Sam. Sam looked a little scruffy, expected after leaving on a bus…and modeling your personal style after British rockers. But he didn’t look like he needed to go to the hospital. Nonetheless, I pulled the van around and Sam and I were off. He was pleasant, asking me what time zone we were in (the day before they were in Detroit) and who was this Colbie Caillat dude?…”Uh Colbie’s a girl” After taking my number so he could call when he needed a ride back (which all the girls cooed about “he has your number? omg” yeah kinda wish he didn’t), I drop Sam off and head back to campus. The buzz of one of The Bravery going to the hospital spread quick and instantly the rumor mill of why he was there began too. He had alcohol poisoning everyone had deduced. (Later that night, I find out he just wanted to have his knee looked at..hmm go figure)

I swore as soon as I would go to eat lunch that Sam would call to be picked up, and sure enough he did. So back to the ER and picked up Sam, who looked a lot better (prob started waking up) but was less talkative. Took him back and found my sandwich and ate about half of it before The Bravery needed more assistance. I head downstairs and Keith hands me a keyboard pedal and asks me to find him another one. “Guitar Center or something should have it” Um Keith this is Clarion, we don’t have a Guitar Center. We have Zeller’s on Main Street but I didn’t even know if they’d still be open (it’s 1pm ish at this point). We call and find out Zeller’s may have what we need but they’re open only til 2pm. Let the adventure begin! So armed with a keyboard pedal, a pick (I also had to find picks the same thickness as their picks), and their Subway order, I left for Main Street. I go to park and realize I don’t have any quarters on me to pay and with my luck I’d get a ticket. So I find a spot that has some time left and then my phone rings. Mary Caitlin is calling to tell me the Colbie’s drummer needs to go to a music store too, he needs some drum sticks. So I head back to campus and yell for Mary Caitlin that I need a quarter, as the drummer hops in the van. I give Mary Caitlin the Subway order to call in so I can pick it up after the music run and we call Keith to ask him how he wants us to pay for his music stuff, a credit card over the phone (Mind you Keith’s number is on top of the lunch order I just gave to Mary Caitlin and we called him from her phone..this will come to haunt me later). So I flip the van around and head back to Main Street after all this place closes in like 20 mins. I finally get a chance to see who I just picked up and actually say hello. Colbie’s drummer is a guy named Mike, who’s undoubtedly attractive, but mostly just super duper chill. So we head to Zeller’s and find picks but no keyboard petal and no drum sticks. But the not super helpful girl does tell us that we can head to Fike’s Music. So after getting seemingly shady directions (“it’s out past Walmart in the middle of no where” well middle of no where is all relative isn’t it) Mike and I leave Zeller’s…mind you it’s begun to rain…and head over to Fike’s. On the way, I get a call that The Bravery’s food will be ready for pick up at 2pm (it’s now 10 til) and so as not to keep the princesses waiting I have the second runner, Megan, to go pick it up. We drive past Walmart and Mike sees the sign for Fike’s almost at the last minute and we pull in to someone’s driveway. Yes, Fike’s is in someone’s house. After Mike and I laugh at the local, we go inside. I hand over the broken pedal and luckily, Mr. Fike (who knows if that’s his name but go with me), a funny old man who talks a lot and couldn’t seem to get the fact I wasn’t actually in the band, has a new pedal and the right size picks. Mike finds the sticks he needs and a bag for them (unfortunately, the sticks were apparently waaayyy expensive and Mike isn’t too happy but I reminded him not to be a jerk and consider it as contributing to the Clarion community. Touche.) All is well right? Wrong.

You see as I mentioned earlier I don’t have Keith’s number. So I have to call Mary Caitlin to get a credit card number from Keith. After waiting awhile, Mary Caitlin calls and I write out the number and expiration date on my hand…cuz of course I didn’t have anything else to write on. Mr. Fike is in the back- I think messing around with the pedals to make sure it’s the one I brought in was broken. Mr. Fike comes out with a new pedal and explains to me the difference…still not aprat of the band, Mr. Fike, nor do I care. Mike gets his stuff and I go to purchase The Bravery stuff only to realize I don’t have a name for the credit card. Ugh. I call Mary Caitlin back and tell her I need a name while talking to her I see the sign for what cards Fike’s except and American Express, the card I was given wasn’t one of them. So I tell Mary Caitlin she has to track down Keith again and get us a new credit card, preferably with the name this time.

I felt super bad for Mike having to wait around through all this. By now it’s 2:25pm and we began this adventure together almost an hour earlier. Who knows how long it would take to get a second credit card. I offer to take Mike back so he doesn’t have to wait but he says he’s fine and that it would be likely we’d leave and I’d get the call with the new credit card. So we spend the time shooting the shiz. He tells me the story about how he learned to play the drums (a rather cute tale about sucking at the recorder and crying in class because of it. The class bully actually feeling bad for him “He had a soft spot that day” And his teacher sitting him down with a drum set and a Poison cd. It was 5th grade, simply precious). We talk about Clarion and California (where they’re based out of- yay!). How I’m moving soon and where they’re playing to next. In the mean time, I get a call that one of The Bravery wants to go to their hotel. Yeah- I’m a little busy. So the other runner, Megan, did it. Eventually, Mary Caitlin calls with the new credit card number and Mr. Fike starts ringing me up. He then realizes he needs a zip code to verify the card. So…(I know-seriously!) I call Mary Caitlin back and she runs and gets me the zip. I purchase The Bravery’s crap and Mike and I head back campus.

I drop off Mike since he now only has about an hour or so before mic check (I know- he hung through this for an hour and a half, what a trooper!)  and park the van. I grab all the purchases and go to find Mary Caitlin or Keith to hand over the goods. Mary Caitlin is who I run into first and she’s talking to the merch girl. I hand the stuff to her and she begins to tell me what The Bravery need next. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?! A bunch of stuff from Fed Ex. I had to get air bills and envelopes, bring them back to campus, have them fill them out and drop them back off at Fed Ex. She walks off and I start talking to Mary Caitlin about where a Fed Ex even is in Clarion and the merch girl walks back up and reminds me this has to be done before the last pick up at like 4:30pm (Really!?! I didn’t know that!) Which gives me about an hour….ugh. After calling around, we discover there’s a Fed Ex drop box in Clarion but not a Fed Ex location. So I find the merch girl and let her know and they decide it wasn’t important and they could just send the stuff tomorrow in Allentown. It was so unimportant I had to get it done by 4:30???? (since this is the last time I had to run for The Bravery it also should be noted that my last responsibility would be to take them to the hotel after the show but instead they just wanted to go to the bar. Unfortunately, for them, we aren’t a bar serving shuttle.)

I watch Colbie’s soundcheck and finally get to eat dinner. And am going around helping Mary Caitlin when I walk into the backstage area and right up to Mike and Colbie’s guitarist, Tim. ”Heeeeyyyyyyy!” This excited welcome could only mean one thing- Mike wanted something. And it turns out that Mike and Tim wanted to go to their hotel. While technically, Megan should have been the one to drive them…I wanted to give her a break. Ok I lie. I was super glad to take them since it meant not only I wouldn’t be able to do anything for The Bravery but I’d get to chill with Mike and get to meet Tim. No waiting around in fear that The Bravery would want goat’s milk or something. So while Tim grabs his luggage Mike and I hang around. During sound check Mike tossed his drumsticks into the air and I gave him crap for it as we couldn’t go anywhere else to replace them. But Mike let’s me know that the drumsticks he got were horrible. (I know- aww!) So after all that he couldn’t even use the ones we got. Fortunately, another drummer gave him a set so he could play. Tim walks up and Mike realizes he needs to get his stuff and I realize I still need to get the van. So by the time I pull back around we’ve added another Colbie bandmate, the other Mike. And the boys pile in and we head off. The guys are super nice and super chill. Cracking jokes about The Bravery, finding different ways to use Fike in a sentence (“Fike off!”), and just chit chatting.  I had no problem running around Clarion for them cuz they were cool people, def not primadonnas.

Well the show went good. I saw most of it from backstage which is harder to enjoy cuz of the sound. But still fun. And when Tim passed by he was like “What’s up Nicki?” and Mike gave out gummi bears. After the show, Mike talked with me and Mary Caitlin outside their bus until he had to go to bed. He said bye and thanked me for the help. Basically, all The Bravery issues woulda made me extremely pissed had I not had Mike there to keep it entertaining. He could even handle me totally making fun of him. These are the kind of guys I’d not only run around town for, but I’d have them over to my house to bbq.

But what more do you expect from people from California?

however it seems that many of my colleagues (majority of which are not greek) still don’t understand greek life or have yet to try to understand it. now it may seem annoying to my colleagues that when in class the examples i bring up are greek life, however, had i not the only thing you’d hear about is how to stop hazing.

so in the same style of previously mentioned said blog i would like to address some of the greek misconceptions/ myths.

Misconception #1: we all have been and have hazed
i don’t know how many times i have to hear about hazing. and i know going into the profession i’m never gonna stop hearing about it. but not all greeks were hazed…honest! i think people think greeks were hazed but now that they graduated or now that i’m a professional have to students not to do what was done to me. sorry folks- like many greeks- it just never happened. [side note: pledges aren't called pledges and rush isn't called rush. a pledge is a new member and rush is recruitment. we changed it to move away from the hazing connotations.]

Misconception #2: greeks buy their friends
the money put into membership is not friend buying. i didn’t pay dues to my sorority sisters, i paid them to my sorority. dues go towards programming, philanthropy, social events, and membership in panhellenic which sponsors it’s own events. i’ll get you a copy of our budget if you want to see what it goes to but there’s not a line item for me in there.

Misconception #4: greeks are elitist
as the author of said previously mentioned blog noted…not everyone wants to be greek. and to that i say being greek isn’t for everyone. so why does that make us elitist??? i don’t think selective membership- when done correctly- makes you elitist. everyone has to find their place.

Misconception #3: once you graduate you aren’t greek anymore
want to offend a sorority alum? ask her what sorority she was in.
i am a delta gamma. membership in a greek organization is for life. i still pay dues and i’m apart of an alumni group. and as soon as i get to a stable place i hope to advise a DG chapter.

 of course there’s more…we’re drunks, idiots, skanky… 
know what i say- we’re easy to pick on. the average student doesn’t stand out, therefore doesn’t get attention for their behavior. we wear letters and screen-printed tees, we live together and we hang out together. heck- we might as well place a target on our backs.

i guess there are aspects of greek life non-greeks will never understand. and while some of it can never be explained as it is sacred to those who are members, if people want to know more about greek life, just ask. i mean it was the best decision i made in my life so i’d love to share. i don’t want anyone to think what they heard about or sometimes even saw in greeks is true of the whole or what we value.

i love my greek experience. i treasure every moment i have had and will continue to have as a delta gamma.
and nothing- not even my cohort- will ever compare.

my last new beginning happened when i moved here to pennsylvania. you can’t get a much bigger new beginning than moving 2,508 miles across country by yourself to a town where no one knows who you are…or more importantly who you were.

now if only i didn’t like who i already was.

i’ve been living in this small town in western pa for 10 months or so now. and in those 10 months i’ve learned so very much. i’d almost want to say more than what i had in the 22 years previous to living here…but that doesn’t give me any credit for getting to this place now does it?

so here i am 10 months ago. a scared little girl by herself in the middle of nowhere.
i remember the first few months were crazy and scary but exciting and fun too. i was learning my new way of life. time progressed and slowly the onion was peeled back and a lot was revealed.

i’ve come to find i don’t like onions.
onions are unpleasant and they make you cry.

so with a blessing in disguise i am leaving the place i’ve been for 10 months. not to say i wont miss a few things: the people who make me laugh, the good times i’ve had, even the smallness that is this town. it all will have a place in my heart. but the time is nearing and i will begin to pack up the lessons i’ve learned and start my new beginning.

i’m going to another place where nobody knows who i am. and the most exciting thing is…

…i get to be me again.